Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Just a step away from yesterday’s hormonal explosion. :)
I am blessed daily with the knowledge that these three sweeties are mine..
There are days, I have to admit, that I wonder if they are really a part of me.
I was conscious for each pregnancy in it’s entirety. There is no question about that. It is just that they arrived looking JUST LIKE THEIR DAD.
They still heavily resemble him.
So I am thoroughly relieved when moments like these present themselves:
This is Peyton’s newest found fun activity.
Just trying to get laughs (and generally be gross).
Just like me! :)
Lynn came home from school the other day so excited because she beat some boys while running on the track at school, she was wearing flip flops.
Sounds like someone else I know. ;)
I don’t think we have ever really questioned the fact that Ashley is part me, but she has been demonstrating it more frequently in her art projects.
Quite the life I live, and I am thankful for it!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
How I have missed you, and our quality time spent together.
I long for the days when we can spend endless hours, being interrupted only by mealtimes and potty breaks.
I have been bringing many projects to your feet, showing you what we will soon do together, hoping to keep you happy and hopeful.
I also plan to give you plenty of TLC, when the time is right.
I think that yellow will look fabulous on you!
I have had two mandatory assignments, which I have learned a lot from. I find myself applying the things taught to me in my everyday snapping.
Lesson 1 was all about shutter speed.
One taken at a slow speed:
And another taken at a fast speed: The second lesson was all about aperture.
Closed aperture: Open aperture:
I cant wait to be all the way off auto!
Here goes my first shot at this.
It has been weighing on my mind heavily, and those closest to me know all about it, but I guess it is just part of being woman.
(Sorry for the re-run guys..)
Let me just say a few things before I dive headfirst into a pool full of my feelings, I am happy. I really am! It is just difficult sometimes when life isn’t where you thought it would be at a particular point on the timeline one has mapped-out for one’s self. This post is not meant to be a guilt trip (Merrill..), just feelings. Lastly, I do not intend to hurt feelings, again, this is just the way I feel.
My mind has been here:
I have said it before, at least 3,476 times that I know of, I LOVE being a mother, I LOVE being pregnant, I am one of those crazies who LVOES EVERYTHING about labor and delivery.. I just love being a woman. I embrace my calling in life.
If I had one more, there, inevitably one day, would be the desire for “just one more”, and so it would go on and on until the end of time. Even if I were physically incapable of bearing children, there would still be those golden memories of days past, the longing for those sweet memories and moments of this time.
I just enjoy it.
I have been focusing lately on what I do have, enjoying every minute of it, and not longing for what might/could/should be.
(In my personal timeline, #5 should be cooking away..)
Things were going swimmingly with my daily mantra until that mid-cycle time of the month hit on Sunday. In all of it’s ovulatory glory (pretty sure that phrase was just invented, BY ME!) amid headache, backache, front ache, my body was screaming at me, “YOU ARE SO FERTILE!!!”
The one and only thing that would take all of this ovulatory discomfort away (since Tylenol and Advil weren’t doing what I thought and what is rumored that they should..) was pregnancy itself.
It is true.
That harsh reality led to another wave of the “I wish I were pregnant” emotion.
Merrill and I do talk about it. He might try to tell you it is an every day occurrence, but it really doesn’t come up that often, and I can honestly say if it does get brought up, it is brought up by one of the girls, or an anxious grandparent.
It’s not always me.
I will never understand the anxiety he feels as a provider, just as he will never quite understand the desire I have as a woman, to experience that joy, the happiness this experience brings to my life.
It just is the way it is.
I have trouble voicing these feelings out loud, in my own little nook of blogitopia, because I know of so many who long for the same joy, who long for it the same way I do, but are having difficulty finding it, having it.
I guess I just don’t want to seem insensitive. I know that my situation is one of choice, not circumstance.
I hope that this little outburst of mine helps someone, helps my own daughters, someday, to understand how I felt about this aspect of my life.
And now that my mind is clear, I can get on with it.
Monday, March 29, 2010
I am aware that I am not the sole blogger on the planet, nor am I the only person who has received a comment or e-mail in regards to one of my posts that isn’t in total agreement of my point of view. I have never really received a comment that was outright mean (okay, once..), like I have heard of other bloggers finding in their inbox.
So why is it then, that we feel like we cannot post how we really feel, post what we really think?
There are moments in my life, when I just want to let it all out, put it all out there, but I don’t. I am fearful that someone might not find it as humorous/sad/stressful/cool/important as I do.
That has got to stop.
I have always maintained that if people don’t like what they read, they can direct their little cursor to that cute red “x” in the upper right of the page, and click it.
(Kinda sounds like “stick-it”, but isn’t.)
It’s time we be honest with ourselves, with who we really are and how we really think and feel, without the fear of being judged.
I will admit that there were (are) times when there were (are) things going on in life that I didn’t want on the public stage of all bloggerdom, and those posts have been saved as dreafts, left un-published, but are still there, for me. Sometimes it is a special experience, be it spiritual or otherwise, that I just don’t want to share with a public who might not appreciate it, and make me feel like it is less than what I feel (and know it to be). Sometimes, it is just my rambling thoughts, dreams, and hopes, that I think might be boring.
(See, I am with you there Amber..)
I find myself doing that all too much lately, like people don’t want to hear about the stress, or the mundane. I need to be me, let those who care know about what is going on.
The rest can find that “x”.
You can plan on seeing more of me in the near future. I need to get over this stage fright.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I got a phone call today from the doctor’s office.
The swab they took, of Lynn’s throat the other day has no sign of strep in it.
That means things are looking up around here and hopefully the virus is on it’s way out!
We have had “the grumpies” here as I have not let the girls out to play or any friends in to play.
Peyton has been acting like she doesn’t feel too well. She has had some fun diapers to change, been pretty clingy, and hasn’t been sleeping well. When all of those factors are added up it equals mom being tired.
Tylenol and her sippy cup are her two best friends, well, after my hip, of course; but tonight she’s been in better spirits.
I am just thankful to have a reliable doctor nearby, the technology that we do to know what’s going on, and that the girls have each other. They have enjoyed their time in together playing American Girls non stop.
Lynn was actually hoping that there wasn’t any school on Monday.. that is not like her, she loves school! She must really be loving this time with Ashley!
It would be flat out wrong if we didn’t spend most of our time doing this!
Our kids have spent a large portion of their young lives on a trampoline.. it is in their genes I guess.
It is nice that they can finally go out and not have to clear snow off of it.
I made pretty much everything myself, except the staple.. so here are some freebies! (Look for more soon.. making a lot!)
One project finished!
I was blessed with plenty of quiet time today, comforting Pey (she doesn’t feel well, isn’t quite herself) and took advantage of the cuddle/quiet time.
I would have loved to have been sitting at sewing machine, making something cute..
But I did get something done today.
I’d say I really enjoyed it too!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I had two BIG events this week, that I just had to get passed and then, I would be footloose and fancy free.
This morning came, the night before done, over with, a success, and all I had to do was get the yearbook (the WHOLE thing) in all it’s pride and glory, 40 pages, all assembled in 4 and a half days (thanks help!! You know who you all are..) off my computer (okay, it’s still there, just in case) and onto a flash drive, into a box with all the other goodies I was supposed to use (but didn’t so it is THAT much better..) and to the school ready for a pick up.
I was on task, things were smoother than.. something that is smooth (my tired mind doesn’t want to produce a word there, so plug one in of your own choosing..) and then, as I was exiting the laundry room, I could hear the phone ringing. I didn’t get there in time only to find that the school had called.
Lynn was sick.
One sick little girl, one trip to the doctor later (only to find out that it is most likely a virus.. goodbye co-pay, nice to know it was for nothing.) we were back at home and I was back at it.
In the middle of my file compressing (the flash drive was too small for my kind of yearbook..) it was all too quiet.
“Peyton, what are you doing?”
Nothing my butt..
I look forward to playing a bit tomorrow, doing things that I am really excited to do (sleep in?) cut some fabric (that’s for you Amanda!!) sew…. catch up on blogs?
Oh, the possibilities!
(*This wasn’t a complain or whining session, just a “hey that’s the life of a mom moment. Hope you enjoyed it!)
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I started blogging to document the daily blessings, the way that the Lord’s hand had touched my life in the every day. That way, I would have a way to look back, my children would have a way to look back, and see His hand in our lives everyday.
I kind of moved away from that.
It’s not that He doesn’t bless my life daily, it’s just that there is too much noise going on around me, and when those quiet moments come at the end of a long day, it is most likely quiet because the house full of people I love, are all finally asleep. My reflection on the day passed drifts off to sleep with me. Then it all starts over with the sound of the alarm clock, another day to tackle.
Today started off as a noisy day. All the noise was in my head.. to do lists, things that NEED to be done, stresses, what I could possibly get squeezed in today, how to keep the girls happy.
My day consisted of this:
Editing the yearbook for Lynn’s school.
I am thankful to be able to be involved in her life, to volunteer my time and my talents to enrich her experience at school. But sometimes I wonder what the crap I was thinking when I enlisted with the other moms (and dads) in the good old PTA.
I am working on a VERY TIGHT deadline (as in this week it NEEDS to be done) and there are still things missing. I got the bulk of what I needed to get it done yesterday. Sounds fun, eh?
I am an A+ personality (i.e. a perfectionist, hence the A+). I picture things a certain way, I want them to turn out the way I expect them, and I have issues with others helping me when I feel so demanding.
I had help today, it came in many forms.
It is further testimony to me of a Heavenly Father, one who knows me, is aware of me, my needs and concerns, who loves me. He blesses me.
There were a total of 3 computers working away on 770+ pictures and names today.
I was glad that I didn’t do it alone.
Not just to lessen the workload, but to lighten the atmosphere. There was laughter, someone there to talk to, a sisterhood, that love..
My 12 year old niece called just as I was starting to cry to Merrill on the phone about all that was going on, all that needed to get done, my frustrations, keeping the girls happy.
I hate to be the mom who is too busy getting this “stuff” done, too busy to play.
She wanted to know if the girls could come over to play for the day. Now she knew NOTHING about my day, my stress, my anxiety over the girls’ weekend of boredom while mom sat at the computer organizing endless pictures…
But that little prayer, uttered silently in my heart for His help today.. that message was relayed many times today.
The pictures are organized, everyone has a name now and not a number. They are grouped with the right class.. they are ready.
Thanks to that help.
My girls were happy, they got to have fun and play.
Thanks to that help.
And if I didn’t already realize how blessed my life was this day, I would have known for sure as my sweet husband stood beside me and helped me prepare dinner tonight.
Thanks to that one answered plea for help.
Ashley, Peyton, and I went out to play while the pizza dough was rising. As we swung, spider style (Ashley’s new favorite), enjoying the sunset, enjoying their laughter, I again teared-up with gratitude.
I am truly blessed.
Friday, March 19, 2010
It sounds silly, I know, but I am a little homesick, and I am home!
Could it really be that just Monday, a mere four days ago, it was beautiful outside? It felt like spring was really on it’s way..
Then there’s today.
Cloudy and cold.
And worst of all, this afternoon, right as the kiddos were to get out of school, it started to ever so lightly SNOW.
I love the snow, don’t get me wrong, but it has it’s time and place. After a week like this one, that is just not a nice thing to do.
I do live in Utah though..
That is the way the weather rolls around here.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
That is how I feel lately..
I want to change one too many things around here..
- Rooms. I would like to finish a room in the basement to put Lynnie-lou down there, so we can separate the two who do not let each other sleep.. I am still adding to Lynnie’s room, making it her own, so why do I desire to move her and customize her room the way I have always dreamed of when I am still creating away?
- Paint. I am thinking of painting my craft room a sunshin-ey (but not too bright) yellow. I really do love my Hot Chocolate brown, but now it’s springtime! I want to do away with the warm and cozy, and get with the airy and bright. I even picked up a sample while visiting Home Deaf-o the other day..
- Ashley + kindergarten. Need I really say more? Okay, I will. ;) I think I have made a decision, but more things come to mind and I wonder if it is the right decision for little Ash.. then I feel like it is the right thing to do (again) and the pattern just repeats itself. I keep praying about it, and that is just how it will have to go..
- Baby. I think I want one more. Really. The feeling can be brought on by various happenings, like the DARLING fabric I saw at the craft store the other day that screamed to me “NURSERY!!!” But then there are THOSE days, when I am completely content and happy. It seems like asking for more would be so ungrateful. Then there are THOSE other days.. where I wonder how on earth I would do it! Again.. praying.
- Blogging. I love it!! I love having this place with so many friends (many whom I have not met..) a place to connect and to laugh, to share and to learn. But I keep on thinking of changing things up. I want my blog to continue to reflect who I really am. I keep dreaming of other names for it, and I dream of new headers.. I guess that is one of the downsides of creativity.
Or maybe it is just the nature of being woman.
I guess it is just the way things go..
But don’t be surprised if you see a new header soon. :)
P.S. While changing Peyton’s post nap diaper (of all things..) I realized that I left out the biggest (I think at least) item on this list that is doing consecutive somersaults in my brain. It has taken-up the bulk of many pillow talk conversations with Merrill, but it’s something that I just can’t make up my mind on..
- A “Mindy Made” store…
What do YOU think?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
It seems to all come and go so quickly. I thought I should capture it before the Easter/Spring stuff goes up.
So much for this year’s goal (well, one of them at least..) to be ahead by a month.
I was up until 4 in the am sewing.
I wanted them each to have something special for the day, and I was trying to improve upon last year. I had plans for skirts for each of them, but then dreamed up the idea for piecing together the pillowcase dress for Peyton. I saw fabric at JoAnn’s that was so cute but couldn’t get into spending $12.99 a yard on the stuff. After piecing it all together, I might just find me a coupon and go get the other stuff. That was some work I tell ya.
I wanted it to be so imperfect that it was perfect, and I like the way it turned out.
I had to even consult a tutorial on my own blog, composed by myself when it came to the arms of that pillowcase dress…
I was really tired..
Oh, wait.. I still am! ;)
I am excited for all the spring stuff.. the girls love it too.
I also have this framed and hung on the wall in honor of April Fool’s day.
When I picked it up from Costco, Ash wasn’t very happy. She wanted to know who did that to her picture. When I told her I had, she chilled-out, but just a little. When I fully explained the situation, she was cool with it. Love that kid!
Every time I walk into Merrill’s bathroom down at the hotel, I have to laugh!
Now you don’t have to wonder what happens to all of the “little rolls” of toilet paper left behind at hotels.
(Yeah,I know that you ALWAYS think about that..)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
There were things that I really, genuinely needed, and then, well..
There were just those things that caught my eye (and my heart) and they came home with me.
I know I have PLENTY of projects that are in the works (or just being dreamed of; the parts in bags or in bins, or on shelves), but I have a few more waiting now with them..
Loved these colors! And yes, some are for projects to be completed before tomorrow.. at least before school tomorrow. ;)
I just can’t seem to pass up a polka dot, ya know?
I really needed ALL of these..
You might laugh out loud if you hear how many spoolS of thread I went through on Saturday..
Hi, I’d like for you to meet my sweet tooth.
Sweets are a necessity for crafting.. these are new and I am excited to try them!
Hellloooo to this color!
Been using a lot of elastic lately too.. for SOME reason..
And I think it’s safe to say that I buy all the large ric-rac trim they have every time I am there..
My night time/bedtime relaxation hobby..
I already have two projects going.. dreaming of more can’t hurt, can it?
I also got into a photography class that I have been anxiously waiting for since last year, when the class filled up extremely fast. It was quite a joyous moment when I got in last night.. it also helped that I set various alarms on my cell phone and sat at the computer 10 minutes before enrollment even opened, clicking the “refresh” button repeatedly. :)
I did give a good cheer for all to hear when I was successful.